Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
