she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
