Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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