new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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