I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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