Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
