Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
