We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We got so high we made milksteak
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
