it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
