I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
