then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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