So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize