She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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