and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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