no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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