I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
