You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
