I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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