Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
