Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
