Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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