Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
