I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
