i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
