Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
