hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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