shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize