I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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