good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
