my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
