JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
