I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
