Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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