Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
