Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
