Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
