he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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