That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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