I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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