After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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