so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
