Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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