Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
