guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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