Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
