I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
