Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize