I just pynch a tree in the face
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize