we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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