I think my vagina is haunted
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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