It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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