just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
