i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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