im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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