you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i came on her dog
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize