xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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