Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize