Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Someone came in the potted fern
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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