My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
