Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
