super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
