STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
