Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
