ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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