You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
