Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I currently don't understand fingers.
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