I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
