im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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